Now that I think about it, I have not talked to my best friend for almost three months–and no, there is no drama, fall-out or anything of that sort. She is currently working on her Master’s degree in Germany and it seems that the time difference (and our busy schedule) has also made staying in touch a bit difficult.
Some might say that if you truly want to stay in touch with someone, nothing (neither the time difference nor geographical distance) can stop you. “Amor omnia vincit”- love conquers all, especially excuses. However, here is the other side of the story.
One of my favorite Chinese sayings on human relationship goes like this: The friendship between noble men runs like water (君子之交淡如水). The lesson is that true friendship is often unpretentious- -it does not need to be “maintained” or “polished” often. After three months of living our separate lives, when I do talk to my best friend, we can re-connect immediately. A lot might have happened in these three months, but nothing about our relationship has changed.
However, we now live in a world that pays great attention to “networking.” Different online social networks promise a “faster connection with more people.” Sociologists for decades have been talking about how weak ties (for example, relationship with a friend’s friend) could help you gain an edge in labor market. “Friend” has become a term that we use rather loosely, and freely. It seems that networking–building relationships with other human beings–becomes such an integral part of our pursuit of success. On the other hand, it also draws on a utilitarian sense of finding stepping stones.
So what is a friend? What do you want from connecting with people? Is the old saying still relevant in this new world? These are the questions.
细细算来，我与我最好的朋友，已经三个月没有联系了。并非新生龃龉——而仅仅是因为，如今，她正在德国读书，隔着海洋，大陆，时差与各自忙碌的日程，保持联系似乎变成了件困难的事情。
当然，有人会说，若诚心所致，无论地域或是时间，都无法将彼此阻断。拉丁文谚语中说”爱可克服万难“——尤其可以克服借口。然而，我想与你说的，却是这故事的另外一面：
我最爱古人说，”君子之交淡如水“：真正的友情，往往平淡质朴而不夸耀。它无需刻意保持，也不必苟苟钻营：即便三月未曾联系，可再联系起来，仿佛一切都未曾改变。而即便是各自生活，却又如同从未远离。
我们如今的社会，异常强调”人际关系“的经营：网络社交媒体宣扬着“更快地联系更多人”，社会学家讨论了几十年“弱关系”在求职中所能提供的帮助。而我们对“朋友”一词的使用，越来越轻率潦草，而经营人际关系，似乎也正被视为追逐成功过程中不可或缺的一部分——弥漫着某种功利主义气息。
那么，究竟何谓”朋友“，而与人相交，又所为何？”君子之交淡如水“这句圣贤旧说，在多大程度上还适应我们这个新世界？