Like Christmas, Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day is another “holiday” we have imported from the West. Although not Chinese at all, the trend of celebrating them is ever growing in China. Every year, when the time comes, stores put on different sales, and ads are constantly running. Buy something for Mom! Buy something for Dad! Buy something for your sweet Valentine and buy something to show your love! They scream–and celebration is in the air.
Every year there are Chinese news stories about young couples breaking up because the poor boy has forgotten about Valentine’s Day and forgot to buy a present for his sweet Valentine. At some point, after too many such stories, I had grown rather tired of all these holidays. They seemed to me, at that time, no more than a hoax, a salesman’s strategy, something that equates “things” with “sentiments”–manifestations of the society’s growing inclination towards materialism and consumerism, not to mention a source of tremendous peer pressure. “I love you all the same, Valentine’s Day or not. Same thing goes for my mom and dad. Do we really need this one special day?” I remember saying something like this to my then-boyfriend.
My family does not have the habit of celebrating either Mother’s Day or Father’s Day–and I gave the same speech (or more precisely, complaints) about Valentine’s Day each February.
Therefore it was a little unexpected when my boyfriend wrote me something for Valentine’s Day this year. “You probably don’t know it yet, but I really don’t like holidays like this. It’s just an empty formality.” I said.
“I know it’s just a formality. But you can’t deny its importance,” he replied.
“What importance?” I was prepared to give that “love you all the same” speech.
“You may not need it,” he said. “But for some, it really is an occasion to show appreciations and affections.”
I guess my own aversion towards coupling loving with buying has gone too far that I have driven myself into the other end–the other extreme. I have forgotten that love does come in different forms and people do choose various ways and occasions to express it. Buying is not loving–or is it really the opposite for some? The bottom line is–no one can really judge.
父亲节前夕，电子邮件收件箱里满是美国商家寄来的父亲节广告，“父亲节倾情促销！”“全场打折”——而国内，满街亦是类似的广告。回家路上，路过正“父亲节打折促销”的面包店，我与爸爸说，“就要父亲节了呢。”——他正开车，漫不经心地答应了一声。
与圣诞节、情人节一样，父亲节母亲节也是从西方舶来的节日。尽管并不真正存在庆祝这些日子的传统，而庆祝的热情却是随着时间推移，有增无减——对于商家而言，这样的节日，便是商机。“送礼给爸爸！”“送礼给妈妈！”“送礼给情人！”“送礼以表达爱！”——商人的广告呼唤着，呼唤的空气里都是节日的氛围。
而每年，又都会有类似的新闻故事——情人分手，因为一方忘记了给另一方的礼物。而这样的新闻故事读的太多，渐渐地，便对这节日都反感起来。它们对于我来说，不过是一个骗局，一个商人营销的手段，将“情感”深厚与“物质”丰富联系甚至起来——便是我们这个社会渐渐物质化的反映。而它们，更是带了无比的“同辈压力”。“不管有没有情人节，我对你的爱都是一样的——对我爸爸妈妈也是一样。那么，这节日有什么意义呢？”——印象中，某一年情人节，我对当年的男朋友这样说。
我们家并没有庆祝父亲节、母亲节的习惯，而每年情人节，我都会发一番同样的议论。于是，今年情人节，当男友给我写了点东西，我竟然是吃惊的——“你可能还不知道吧，我其实并不喜欢这样的节日，它们不过是空泛的形式罢了。”
“我知道它们不过是形式——不过，你不能否认它们的重要性啊。”他回答道。
“什么重要性？”我反问，准备再发一遍那篇我年年都要发的议论。
“你可能不需要，但是对于有些人，你不能否认，它就是一个表达情感的机会啊。”
我想，我自己对于将情感与物质挂钩的反感或许已经走入另一个极端。因而忘记了，爱的确有多种形式与表达。为她花钱并不就是爱她——亦或者是对于某些人，这便是爱了？关键是，没有人有权评判。