I do not know what connotation the term “ex” (as in ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend) might have in the American dating culture. Coming of age in China, and over the years watching myself and others falling head over heels in love, I have always felt that in a romantic relationship, this term is a magic word, the recipe for instant awkwardness. In some inexplicable ways, it brings out a sense of absence, a reminder of a past that the couple do not (and can never) share. And in other cases, it brings out nostalgia–the loving remembrance of one’s own past.
One interesting aspect about the Chinese culture is its fondness for history. There are numerous Chinese sayings about how we can learn so much from carefully analyzing our own past. We like to emphasize that we come from a nation with “five thousand years of glorious history”–it seems that the past, the past that we can no longer revisit, has become a piece of collective memory so entrenched that it defines us as a whole and brings us together. And in many cases, the past is also glorified and romanticized (whether the glorification is justified is quite another question). Time becomes the rosy glass that gives everything in the past a beautiful tint.
History never stops being part of the present–just like sometimes (no matter how much you hate it), ex-girlfriends come to visit. I am not denouncing the importance of the past–far from it. Yet my question is–when does remembering become excessive? We have all too readily recognized the importance of the past as an endless reservoir of enlightening knowledge. It is important to remember history: However, it is even more important to make history.
我并不十分清楚“前男友/前女友”在美国爱情故事中的“涵义”——我与我的朋友们在中国成长、恋爱、失恋、再恋爱，而我时常觉得，“前男友”与“前女友”总是轻易唤起某种微妙的尴尬。这个词语所牵扯出的过往，包含着某种难以言明的缺席感。在某些时候，它也带来了半苦半甜的追忆——某种对已逝之我的怀念。
中国文化中爱讲“历史”，爱讲以史为鉴可以知更替兴亡。我们热爱强调那五千年的灿烂文明——从某种意义上说，那些无法重现的过往成为某种集体记忆，将今人整合在一起。而在许多时候，往事也被浪漫化（至于这种美化是否恰当，又是另一个问题）。时间成为某种玫瑰色的镜子，给所见之物，染上一层淡淡的粉红。
历史从来都是现实的一部分——就好像有些时候，无论你多么不情愿，男朋友的前女友们会再次出现。我并无意于否定过去的重要，只是，我的问题是，怎样的追忆便是过度而不恰当的？我们轻易相信了，了解过往的重要性。然而与记住历史同样重要的，是创造历史。