Does your body language reveal your hidden, innermost, subconscious thoughts and intentions? Isn’t that what body language supposed to mean?
Well, according to Wikipedia body language is “a form of mental and physical ability of human non-verbal communication, which consists of body posture, gestures, facial expressions and eye movements. Humans send and interpret such signals almost entirely subconsciously.”
Well, not so in China. Body language in China in my experience has been overt, outrageous and out of line.
In Hong Kong and mainland China, body language is physical and spatial, and I have found myself stunned with shock and awe.
Here’s a case in point – in Hong Kong.
Almost every time I line up to get cash at an ATM in Hong Kong during peak hours (i.e. lunch time, pre-dinner), I feel a body inching up from behind hovering over my shoulders. That body is of course a person, but that person isn’t trying to scan my personal bank account info I don’t think. That person is using his body to send me a message – “Hurry up! Hurry up!”
And my response? Almost always verbal.
“Please – step back. Please.” That’s the only way – verbal, not non-verbal – to get my desired response.
Another case in point – in Beijing.
When I was in Beijing last month, I risked my life during peak hour (6:45pm) getting down to the subway platform three levels below ground after squeezing my body into a maddening fast-moving wave of people.
We were all running from one long escalator to the next, rushing head-on down another set of stairs and through a dark two-way tunnel before finally reaching the row of gateway (equivalent of turnstiles in New York subway) with opening & closing wings.
I was almost breathless, but happy when it was my turn to swipe my subway card.
“Darn…” I exclaimed. The wings didn’t work.
I swiped again and again, hoping to re-activate it.
As I stood still, stared at the opening wondering for one split second, “Should I just go through it without paying my subway fare?” That split second thought and doubt was my body language of “pause, wait, let me think.”
But that message was not only ignored, but greeted with another body language.
A tiny woman in her 20s – suddenly came out of nowhere, side-swiped me like a bullet, and literally knocked me out of the lane!
Why? She was taking advantage of my split second body language of “pause, wait, let me think” to say, “get out of my way!”
I was so shocked that I burst out yelling at her in English, “You are so rude!” She immediately turned around to give me a long dirty look.
In that instant – her body language was not only out of sync with my expectation of what it should be in modern civilized metropolitan city such as Beijing, it was completely out of line! Even in New York City with a subway system that never sleeps, I’ve never seen or experienced this type of “out of my way” body language. Have you?你的肢体会不会揭露你隐藏的、内心深处的、潜意识的想法和意图呢？这不正是肢体语言的用意吗？
根据维基百科，肢体语言是一种心理和身体上的、非口头语言的人类交流方式。它包括身体姿势、手势、面部表情和眼神变化。人类通常会完全不自觉地发出和理解这些信号。
但是，在中国可不是这样的。在我的经历中，在中国，肢体语言是明显的、粗鲁的、不协调的。
在香港和中国大陆，肢体语言很动作化、很占空间，我发现自己很吃惊，甚至害怕。
这里就有一个恰当的例子，在香港。
在香港，几乎每次我在高峰时间（例如午餐时间、晚餐之前）排队从提款机取钱时，我都能感觉到一个身体从后面探到我的肩膀上，往前移动。这个身体当然是一个人，但我想这个人不是想要偷看我的私人银行帐户信息。这个人是在用他的身体对我传达一个信息：“快点！快点！”
我的反应呢？几乎每次都是用语言的。
“请往后一点。劳驾。”这是惟一的办法，用语言的，而不是非语言的，去达到我预期的效果。
另一个恰当的例子，在北京。
上个月我在北京的时候，我在高峰时间（下午6点45）冒着生命危险，挤在激烈、快速涌动的人潮里，走下位于地下三层的地铁站。
我们都在一个个长扶梯之间穿梭，迎面迅速走过几个楼梯，穿过一个双向的地道，最终终于到达了一排有开关羽翼的门（相当于纽约地铁里的旋转杆）。
我几乎上气不接下气，非常高兴轮到了我来刷地铁卡。
“不好…”我叫道。门的羽翼坏了。
我刷了一次又一次，希望可以激活它。
我站在那里，盯着打开的门，在瞬间内考虑“我应不应该走过去，不付地铁费用？”那一瞬间的思考和怀疑是我的肢体语言：“停一下，等一等，让我想一想。”
但这个信息不仅仅被忽略了，更被另一个肢体语言问候。
一个瘦小的20多岁的女子，不知道突然从哪里冒出来，像一颗子弹一样从我侧面撞过去，把我撞到了线外面。
为什么？她在利用我那一瞬间的肢体语言“停一下，等一等，让我想一想”来表达：“别挡着我的路！”
我很震惊，我忍不住用英语对她喊道：“你真粗鲁！”她立刻回头给了我一个长长的恶劣的表情。
在那一瞬间，她的肢体语言不仅与我对类似北京这样的现代化、文明的大都市的期待不相符，这简直就是不可理喻！甚至在纽约这样的城市，地铁昼夜不停，我从来没有看到或体验过这样的“别挡着我的路”的肢体语言。你呢？