When I first decided to come to America as a teenager, all I had in mind was school. Dating was the last thing on my mind. But to my surprise, that was the first thing on my dad’s mind.
The night before I was to board the plane from Hong Kong to Detroit, my dad and I talked.
“Ah-mei, (my nickname) you’re going to America tomorrow. I have a special request and I hope you will obey me.”
“Yes, sure – dad. What is it?”
“Promise me – do not date American boys.”
“Daddy, I am not thinking about dating, I’m going to school!”
“Yes, but Ah-mei – American boys may want to date you!”
“Daddy, so what?”
“So, American boys want to date you, and you go out with them. And one date leads to another, and there’ll be more dates to come. One day, you’ll marry an American man. I don’t want an American in the family. We are Chinese. I want to be able to communicate with everyone in my family. I don’t speak American English. Americans don’t speak Chinese. We think differently, we act differently, we cannot relate to one another. Promise me, will you – ah-mei?’
My dad expects me to date and marry a Chinese person. His reasons are clear, but his request didn’t seem so reasonable at the time.
“Daddy, I understand your concern. But you don’t sound very reasonable. I am going to America, I am going to Detroit – there will be many Americans – boys and girls. How can you ask me not to go out with Americans? That’s not a reasonable request.”
Back then, there were not that many Chinese people in the Detroit area.
“OK, A-mei.” Daddy paused. “You can go out with Americans, but you don’t have to marry them, you can be friends. Having good friends is more important than getting married.”
“OK, daddy, I agree.” I was only 16 then, and I felt relieved that dad had come to his senses.
Over the years, I’ve dated mostly Americans – some Chinese. But dad’s edict on relationship and friendship seems to have stuck with me.
“It’s more important to have good friends than to get married.” Perhaps, that’s why I’m still single!
第一次决定来美国的时候，我还是一个十几岁的少年， 我心中想到的全是学习。与男孩约会是我心目中的最后一件事。但让我吃惊的是，那却是我爸爸的心中的第一件事。
在我从香港飞往底特律的前一天晚上，我父亲和我有这样的交谈。
“阿妹（我的小名），明天，你就要去美国了。我有一个特殊的请求，希望你会听从我。“
“是的，肯定我会听你的话。 爸爸，能告诉我是什么事情嘛？“
“答应我，不要跟美国男孩约会谈恋爱。”
“爸爸， 你放心好了。我是去上学的， 根本不会去约会谈恋爱！”
“是的，爸爸相信你。但是，阿妹，美国男孩可能要缠着约会你！”
“爸爸，那又有什么大不了的啊？”
“是这样的，一开始美国男孩想约会你，你同意跟他们一起外出。这样，他们就会接二连三的约会你。你就会同一个美国人日久生情，到了后来，同他结婚。我可不想找一个美国女婿 。我们是传统的中国家庭。我不会讲美国
人的英语，美国人不会说我们中国话。我们日常的思维方式，行为举止大不相同，彼此不能够沟通。所以，阿妹，答应我，听爸爸的话， 好吗？
我爸爸希望我将来嫁给一个中国人。他的上述理由是显而易见的，但他的要求似乎并不合理。
“爸爸，我理解你的关心。但你的要求并不那么合理啊。我所去的底特律，可是一个大城市， 那儿有许多美国人，包括很多跟我年龄相近的男女青年。你怎么能叫我不去同美国人交往呢？ 所以， 你的要求很不合情理。“
那时候， 生活在底特律地区的中国人，并不是很多 。
“好吧,” 爸爸缓和了一下语气。” 你可以同美国人约会，你同美国人可以成为朋友，但你不能同美国人结婚。好朋友比结婚更重要。“
“好吧，爸爸，我同意。” 当时我只有十六岁，我感到欣慰的是，爸爸已经很通情达理同意我的看法。
多年来，我已经同大量美国人约会过 ，其中也约会过一些中国人。但我似乎绕不过爸爸的戒规。
“比结婚更重要的是有好朋友.” 也许，这就是为什么我至今还是单身一人！