It was a lovely Sunday when I ventured to Smorgasburg, an outdoor food market in Williamsburg Brooklyn, for a hearty meal with my girlfriend who just graduated from college. We had met at a yoga class and soon clicked with each other, although she was ten years younger than me. While I was excitedly picking different food from this so call “glutton’s paradise”, my girlfriend who should have been as excited and focused as me couldn’t help but was distracted by the fact that she would meet her date that afternoon. She was vigorously reeling off her thoughts about this guy by comparing with other guys that she dated previously; She was also nervously worried about her outfit, hoping to leave a perfect impression on him.
It reminded me of my own dating experience when I was at her age. The excitement, nervousness, sweetness, and heartbrokenness in different stages of a relationship were still vivid but also distant. I felt lucky that I’ve met my husband when I was very young, and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary of knowing each other. Though I could still imagine the cuteness of going out with a date for dinners or constantly thinking of each other with a blushing face etc, I felt very content that I’ve long passed that phase of life.
It made me instantly feel good about my age – since I am older, I’ve got a stable marriage that I could focus myself on career and other important aspects of life. Then, I started to question myself: is it really about age or just a state of mind? People might enjoy dating and the independence, without choosing to settle down at their 20s; Even a person gets married early, it doesn’t guarantee a peaceful mind.
Age bothered me from time to time during the past three years after I walked into my 30s; self-comparison and self-criticism drove me nuts. I was constantly comparing myself with people who were younger than me but had achieved more than me, in work or in life. For instance, when talking to a younger friend about solitude and independence, we both came to a realization that knowing how to get along well with oneself and not validating oneself with other people’s standards was vital. However, a voice deep inside would creep up, saying… “A 23-year-old already figured out things that are still fresh to you. Hurry!”
Recently, I’ve encountered some obstacles in career and in friendship. After spending a lot of time alone reading and contemplating, I finally realize that everyone is just at his or her own pace in achieving anything in life including gaining wisdom. The process can’t be accelerated except through the person’s own experience, which he or she obtains either from real life lessons or from learning other people’s experience in books or some other forms. They say wisdom comes with age. I believe what it really means is that wisdom is a by-product of a lot of life experience.
Without having gone through ups and downs (especially downs) in life, I might have never come to this point. Even though someone else might have passed this point way earlier than me, so what? I should always be glad that I am here now.
Once I’ve come to recognize my own prejudice about age, it seems the whole world has become brighter, and I no longer beat myself up but respect my own past and my own pace. After all, life is a marathon. It is normal that someone surpasses me. My goal is to be steady at each step and not to drop out along the way.