For the past two months, I felt like I was half floating, half flying. My feet were not grounded.
Neither was my head.
This past March, I left my job in New York with an international luxury hotel chain because of my visa status change. My bad luck came after good news that my husband was promoted from an “Exchange Visitor” to a “Research Investigator.” His visa status changes adversely affected my work visa status because I came to America from China three years ago after he was already here.
At first, I felt totally awkward to be pulled out of my daily routine of the past three years.
No more client events, no more work emails, and no more daily commute. I decided to take this opportunity to spend some quality time with my family in China. I enjoyed bonding with my parents and my friends in Nanjing for a month. It was a sweet escape. And, only I knew, a part of the healing process – I was saddened to leave the job that I loved.
Two weeks ago, when I came back to the US from China, I was seriously dispirited. Lying on my bed, I felt weightless like floating in the universe. I realized that my identity, self-esteem, and sense of belonging were so closely tied to my job. Now that link was cut, I lost my role and my footing.
What value can I provide if I am not working? I asked myself again and again restlessly. During that week, my husband was carefully checking on me by sending me messages when he’s at work. He came back home earlier than usual to spend time with me and taking me out for a walk every day. I knew he worried about me. To keep myself occupied, I started cooking dishes that we didn’t usually make at home, like Sichuan boiled fish, braised chicken with potato and pepper, or Shoyu ramen etc.
I took it as a way to challenge myself like my job used to. It turned out that both my husband and I were satisfied with my “culinary skills”. For the first time in my life that I had a taste of being a full-time housewife as I once imagined, for whom the happiest moment of a day is having dinner with her husband and being appraised about her cooking skills. What an experience! Not bad, I thought. Rather than feeling resentful and self-pity, bringing positive energy and joy to my love is the least I could do.
One evening, a former colleague phoned me. We were just chatting randomly. She told me excitedly how she found the current job which is totally unrelated to the hospitality industry where we both used to work in. I knew she had some struggles and frustrations when we were colleagues. Back then, she was very courageous and dedicated to taking her spare time to learn new skills and to start over in a new field. She was such an inspirational speaker who encouraged me to not dwell on things I had no control over and never let any circumstances limit me. It worked! I felt so empowered.
The next day, I decided to look into EdX – a massive open online courses provider and found several courses that I was interested in to feed my curiosity.
Courses like business analysis fundamentals, creative thinking, and problem-solving and even computer science! I would have never considered these course previously. Now? It’s time to be creative! I made my own timetable of total four courses and started following it every day. Thus, a new routine has found me – I start jogging in the morning, making myself a nice breakfast, and studying my courses during the day. Meanwhile, I started reading a new book and working on my blogs.
Two days ago, I met a new friend who was very free-spirited and spent a whole year traveling around the US. Yesterday, I met a leader of a non-profit organization who welcomed me to join them as a volunteer to help with the promotion of cooperative relationship between companies in China and the US.
It has only been two weeks since I came back to New York. Things are getting more and more interesting than what I initially thought. I start to believe: when one door closes, another opens. What has limited me so far, is my own life experience and perception.
I decided to set my imagination free, to discover the new values I could bring to this world, and to see where the new life experience takes me. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”