Sometimes you sleep so deeply you forget where you are. Not long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night out of a deep slumber completely disoriented. I had dreamt that I was back home in America, but slowly I remembered I was still here in the middle of Tianjin, China. But in my dream I had already felt a pang of sadness for leaving my friends here in China.
In the short span of a year, I have become very close with a group of Chinese friends. In America, we bond through conversations and activities – late-night confessions at the bar, an afternoon trip to the coffee shop, dinner parties and road trips. But in China, I initially didn’t know how to go about making friends. My colleagues didn’t really “hang out” outside of work. My language wasn’t good enough to make jokes or keep up with their lunchtime banter. I didn’t have much shared cultural context to build off of, and rote comparisons of China and America are only interesting for so long. Each day I walked to lunch with the same group of people, quiet but always present. I felt like there was still a bar I had to hurdle, some sort of barrier holding back the ease of friendship.
But one day, a few months in, I suddenly noticed a different feel at our daily lunches. People noticed when I wasn’t there. They remembered my affinity for fried bing, joked around with me, and the girls even linked arms with me as we walked to lunch in the typical Chinese student fashion. Somehow, without doing anything besides just showing up, I had found the key to friendship.
In China, relationships are all about being a part of something and integrating yourself into someone’s routine. Consistency and stability are respected and interpreted positively, associated with honesty and friendship. Return to the vegetable vendor’s stall every Monday afternoon and before long their once-intimidating scowl will turn into a friendly grin and a willingness to round down the price of broccoli. Stability is currency in such a rapidly changing society.
Leaving my friends here means leaving the routine and the comfort of my life in China. But that’s not to devalue their friendship to only represent comfort. Through the slow, unforced process of becoming a part of their lives, I’ve discovered a completely different approach to friendship – something quiet, respectful of each other’s space, yet very loyal. I’ll miss their company a lot after I’m gone. But in China, once a friend, ever a friend. And there is always QQ.
有时候你睡觉睡得太沉你连自己在哪里都不记得. 不久之前我深夜在热睡之余爬起来。 我梦到自己在美国老家, 但我慢慢想到我依旧在南京．但在我的梦中我已感受到一股来自离开我朋友的悲伤.
在短短的一年之中我和一群中国朋友变得很熟. 在美国， 我们透过活动和谈话培养感情：深夜在酒吧谈心，下午在咖啡店里度过，晚餐聚会和公路旅行．但在中国， 我刚开始不知道要如何交朋友．我和我的同事下班后不会出去．我的语言能力也不够让我讲笑话或跟上他们午餐时的嬉闹．我们没有共同文化基础，而一直讨论中国－美国关系也不是长久之计. 每天我都跟同样的一群人吃饭，我总是很安静，但是我依旧每天出席
过了几个月后的某一天，我突然注意到午餐有点不一样的感觉．如果我不在的话，人会注意到．他们记得我对炸 bing的喜爱， 跟我开玩笑，女生甚至跟着典型中国流行, 跟我手连手一起去吃中饭. 在我除了定期出现吃饭之外没做任何东西的状况下, 不知不觉我已经找到友情的关键.
在中国, 关系最重要的是融入某个人的例行行程.一致性和稳定性是会被尊重和给予正面回应的， 像是诚实和友情．如果每礼拜一下午都去特定的卖菜摊贩，过了不久，他们让人害怕，皱眉头的神情会转成友善的笑容和将花椰菜降低价钱的意愿． 稳定性是在这个快速改变的社会里的一项资产．
离开我这边的朋友代表离开我在中国所习惯的行程和舒适的生活．但是他们的友情不只代表舒
适．透过缓慢，不刻意的过程进入他们的生活，我发现一个看待友情完全不同的角度－ 安静，并且尊重每个人的空间，但是总是保持忠诚．在我离开之后，我会很想念他们的陪伴． 但是在中国，只要是朋友，就会永远是朋友． 当然我们还有ＱＱ。