Last week, my Chinese roommate Chen* walked into our living room and informed me that he was cooking dinner that night. Oh, and his dad was coming. Oh, and his ex-girlfriend too, and a friend.
This would not be such a big deal if Chen knew how to cook. But I’ve asked him to help me in the kitchen before, I’ve seen the way he looks at a raw mushroom like it’s an alien creature and the way he opens the refrigerator like it might just be hiding a ticking bomb. I am completely sure he’s never so much as turned on a stove in his 26 years of existence, so I managed to convince him that this was perhaps not in his best interest, and offered to cook instead.
I poured sweat over my wok for hours, preparing four different Chinese dishes. I wanted to make sure that Mr. Chen, a short and pudgy man from the south on his first visit to the capital, felt comfortable in his son’s house. I had heard plenty of my roommate’s stories about how hard it was to please this man, but little did I know there were enough high expectations to go all around.
I have dominated by now the Chinese it takes for the formulaic first few phrases of a conversation, and Chen’s dad quickly complimented my language skills. In turn, I complimented his son’s English, which is completely fluent and mind-bogglingly good for someone that has never left the country. “Oh, no, no, no, he can hardly speak English at all. His sister’s is much better.” All night he watched me speak rapid-fire English with his son, yet despite the fact that he himself can’t understand a word of it, maintained that Chen’s ability was mediocre at best.
And then his attention turned to me.
While he waited for dinner to be served, he found my HSK practice book and slowly read page to page exclaiming with disdain how simple it was (it’s significantly above my current level). When I found out he liked calligraphy, I brought out my greatest Chinese treasure, a sign written by a calligraphy master so well-known that postage stamps and a documentary have been made of his work. Mr. Chen held it up and said “还可以” It’s alright. He can do better, he said.
Dinner was served. He put the first spoonful of rice in his mouth and launched into a well-detailed study of how much more flavorful Chinese food was than my cooking (sorry I forgot the MSG, dude). He also shared his analysis of American hypocrisy in criticizing the one-child policy and ignoring the many benefits it has brought on Chinese society. He forgot to mention, one might say hypocritically, that he managed to dodge said policy and has two kids himself. Oops.
Despite the language barrier, Mr. Chen did exalt me with the highest of compliments before he left our house that day, or so he thought. “You act like a Chinese girl, not like a foreign girl!” he praised.
Thanks, Mr. Chen, that means a lot from someone that had never met a foreigner before.
故事开始于上一周的某天，我的室友小陈走进我们的客厅告诉我说他当晚准备要在厨房一展身手。噢还有他的爸爸会来吃饭，而且他的前女友和另外一个朋友也会一同前来。
如果小陈平时能够花些时间好好研习厨艺的话，这原本并不是什么新鲜事儿或者令人感到惊讶的事情。但关键是小陈的厨艺真是令人不敢恭维，以前我做饭的时候，曾经叫他来帮我的忙，我看他看着待煮的新鲜蘑菇在一边发愣，就好像这蘑菇是个外星生物一般，还有他开冰箱的样子，似乎是冰箱里面藏着一颗定时炸弹。我完全相信在他26年人世间的游历中，他从未像今天这样多次的打开火炉。于是乎我便尝试说服他也许做饭烹饪并不是他的兴趣所在，我愿担当此重任替他捉刀下厨。
我在厨房中忙忙碌碌好几个小时，汗如雨下，准备了四道特色迥异的中国菜。我很希望能让这位来自于南方，身材矮胖的陈先生在自己的儿子家，对他的第一次首都之旅感到满意和舒服。我听过无数次关于我室友如何的竭尽全力来取悦他老爸的故事，但是对这些故事的结果我都不抱太大的希望。
我现在已经很习惯于中国人在一段对话伊始的时候的那些客套和寒暄了，在一番嘘寒问暖之后，小陈的爸爸立马就开始夸奖我的语言天赋和技能了。反过来，作为礼尚往来，我也马上夸奖小陈英语之流利，令人难以置信他竟然从未离开过中国去过英语的环境。“噢，哪里哪里，他几乎不怎么会讲英语，跟他妹妹相比，他差的远”小陈的爸爸如是说。整个晚上我都在和小陈急速的用英语交谈，尽管陈的爸爸一点儿也听不懂我们在说什么，但是他仍然坚称小陈的英语水平最多就是个中流水平。
慢慢的陈爸爸的注意力转移到了我的身上。他在一边等待开饭的同时注意到了我的汉语水平考试参考书和习题集，并一页一页的翻看了起来，用略带鄙夷的语气惊呼怎么会如此简单，但是就我当时的汉语水平而言，那还是我不可企及的难度。当我知道他喜欢书法艺术的时候，我拿出了一直珍藏的中国宝贝，是一位特别著名的书法家给我的签名，这个书法大家的作品非常的具有影响力，他的很多作品都被做成了邮票和纪录片。但陈先生只是轻描淡写的来了一句“还可以”。他说他能写的更好。
晚餐准备好了，他将第一勺米饭咽下的同时来了一段非常详细演说，来表示中国饮食文化多么博大精深，我的烹饪水平实在是应该自惭形秽。接下来他又和我们分享了一段他自己对于美国人批评中国计划生育，每个家庭只能生育一个孩子的看法，他觉得这种行为是非常虚伪和伪善的，因为美国人的这种胡乱指责根本就没有考虑到，计划生育和一家一个孩子给中国社会带来的诸多好处。但他似乎忘记提及了一个事实，一个我们可以说虚伪的，言行不一的事实，那就是他老人家也没有遵从这个利国利民的好政策，自己生了两个孩子。
尽管存在着语言障碍，但是陈老先生在离开我们家前给予了我极高的表扬，或者是他认为的最高的赞美。他表扬我说“你很像是一个贤良淑德的中国女孩儿，而不是一个疯疯癫癫的老外”。
非常感谢陈老先生，因为对于像他这样，在这之前从来没有和外国人打过交道的人来说，这一切是相当有意义的。