Last month, I was confronted by a young woman with this big question – “How do you manage ambition with reality?”
Sally is my new mentee, a recent college graduate who is working full time at a local bookstore in Cambridge while aspiring to become a podcaster. She told me previously she really hoped to launch last summer with a friend who is a professional, and she is not. Her college major in Boston has prepared her for a career in magazine writing, but she changed her mind after graduation, gravitating towards podcasting instead. What she wanted to talk about in her podcast was her American experience being an adoptee from China. As soon as she said that, I understood her. She wanted to be heard in her own voice what she might have kept quiet in the past. Whatever made it hard for her growing up in Ohio with an American family, she decided it was time to tell. Was it? really?
I had my doubt not because of her ability but because of her own question. Since that was our first phone chat following an hour of in-person meeting, I asked her – “What is your reality? What makes it hard?” She said “time.”
She laid out her day job schedule, which is five days a week with fixed lunch breaks. But that work schedule changes weekly, and often unpredictably. She worked around that schedule to carve time to think, to plan and program, to research the technical and editorial aspects of podcast production. She had never produced a podcast. She didn’t acquire the requisite skill set such as structuring a podcast script, scripting her narrative, or recording and editing. She could definitely learn the chops by doing. But the learning curve will be steep. Time aside, it is about energy. How much energy do you have to concentrate on sustained learning after a full-time job during the day?
I didn’t tell her it would be extremely difficult if not impossible during the first year on her first job. I listened. I wanted to hear how she described it. I wanted to empower her by telling her what I heard her say about her own reality and encourage her to come to her own conclusion.
“When I was 20 something like you, I used to power through with many cups of coffee. I get energy from my surroundings. I was in New York, under hourly deadlines, working with demanding professionals. Somehow, I was energized by all that. I thrived in that sort of environment. How do you thrive? How do you generate energy? Or re-generate energy?”
She was quiet. And I realized that might be her main challenge.
Like many 20-something on their first job out of college, learning to adjust to a new pace of workplace dynamics, deadlines and demands can be extremely exhausting. Everyone reacts to stress differently. The key is to know and grow your capacities and capabilities as you set your priorities.
PRIORITY
Top priority is inextricably linked to what matters most to you. It’s pegged to your career goals and core values. Ideally, a college education would have prepared you for developing analytical skills and critical thinking to choose what areas or fields most appeal to you as a career, and what sort of lifestyle and workstyle align with your ideals.
During the first four years of my first job out of college, I wanted desperately to become financially independent. New York was insanely expensive, but it was also the number one TV news market in the U.S. where I was offered a job. I was lucky to have gotten my first break in TV News in the Big Apple. I kept my eye on the ball. I was all in. I focused on generating and re-generating energies with coffee, passion for learning and commitment to excellence. It was really that simple.
CAPABILITY
Since the purpose of my first four years on my first job was to fulfill my priority – establishing financial independence and professional credentials, I was tuning into areas where I could do a better job.
TV news in a local newsroom is a fast-paced environment where verbal communication skills are crucial. I realized very early on I needed to improve my ability to speak loud and clear, with authority, knowledge, and humor – under time pressure. How did I do it? I kept watching how everyone else did it.
I observed all the pros – the professional journalists – reporters, producers, studio engineers, and operators, editors and managers – and picked mental models. I asked myself – who do I want to emulate in the way s/he expressed a thought or raised a question – verbally and stylistically? I also picked out newbies like me. Whom do I click with? Whom could I befriend and strike a conversation about my ignorance or my inadequacies? Whom could I confide in to share fears and receive emotional support? As it turned out, unbeknownst to me at the time, these mental models and close friends helped me develop and grow my capabilities as a better speaker, sharper listener, a stronger team-player and a more efficient employee who could deliver results to meet and exceed expectations. I gave myself four years, just like an American president gets four years on his first term because I wanted that amount of time to establish a good track record and a reliable brand for my capabilities.
CAPACITY
Priority and purpose are important, but nothing would ruin your day more than your running out of breath! Capacity.
What is your capacity for absorbing a vast amount of information from listening, talking and interacting with people? What is your strategy for your personal energy renewal? No one is born with answers, everyone discovers for herself when she’s tapping out.
In my 20s, I drew energies from interacting with people and facing all kinds of people in a variety of different places. I also replenish energies from drinking lots of coffee (I love coffee!), walking and talking with close friends, and creating downtime for myself. I shut down. I took naps. I zoned out. Those were the periods for me to refresh and to pace myself.
Learning to pace yourself also involved coaching yourself in your head. I had been a praying woman since I was a teenager. I prayed out loud or in the shower, or lying on my back on the grass or on the mattress. As a Christian, I had developed these quiet moments of spiritual surrender. These moments always had the magic power of lifting me and recharging me. They also reminded me of what we all have – young and old, rich and poor – 24 hours a day. That is the reality we all have to work within this life on earth.
Ultimately, how you manage ambition and reality depends on how open and nimble your mind is to changing circumstances. Your mind can change reality as much as your mind can be altered by reality. Are you mindful enough to notice what makes you happy? What makes you feel beautiful? Appreciated? Or fulfilled? What makes you angry? What makes you sad?
Are you open to changing the story – the why of any particular decision at any particular time to adapt to a new reality or a new awakening?
As life unfolds, your response to everyday events and happenings could well alter your perception and experience of your reality. That, in turn, can lead to a change of your priority, or a change of heart that can lead to a new dream, a new ambition. What matters a lot to you before you suffered a loss, (a loss of health or a loved one), or before you won a scholarship or a promotion, or before you met the love of your life, could drastically shatter your old ambition. Be ready for evolving your view or your idea of a good life or a good career. Life is a journey, don’t be too eager to arrive.