One of the most common questions that I’m asked these days is “how did he propose to you”? Considering that I’ve been recently married, and at a relatively young age, it is not surprising that people would ask me, whether it’s my friends since elementary school or people I just met at social events. Usually, they expect to hear a very romantic story, with the guy kneeling on the floor in a public setting with a huge bouquet of roses, along with an engagement ring, of course, asking my hand in marriage. I fail their expectations every time I tell them how it happened.
The truth is that, my then-boyfriend and I were just talking one day, randomly, about marriage law (he studies law), and it just suddenly occurred to me. I half-jokingly suggested that we should get married soon. I have to admit, I wasn’t 100% serious about my request for getting married, but I was 100% serious about staying with him for the rest of my life. Upon hearing my request, he said nothing. But within a month he got everything ready, and we married.
Whenever the story reaches this point, my friends would fall into shock, “What? So he didn’t propose to you?”
I can only laugh, “Nah. It’s more like I proposed to him.”
While those who have known me for years have an easier time understanding my simple and quiet decision, new friends and acquaintances tend to stay in “shock” for a tad longer.
In fact, they have expressed a plethora of concerns. Here are the most frequent ones.
“How did you bring yourself to marry without a proper proposal from him?”
“Why did you want to get married? You’re so young still. How do you know he’s the one?”
“You weren’t supposed to propose to a guy…”
I know that some of them meant well and others were just giving me their first impression, so I’m never offended when I hear these remarks. But I did refrain from telling the details of my proposal to my family in China, who unfortunately haven’t seen me for almost two years, and have not attended my wedding in America. My family is quite traditional and most likely will call my proposal bold, reckless, even unwomanly. I’m planning on telling them someday, when I stand face to face with them, when their faith in me is not compromised by an earth’s distance, and when my marriage has “survived” for a bit longer, but not now.
Regarding my “reckless” and “unwomanly” proposal, I never regretted it for a second. Sure, looking back, if I wanted to receive an ultra-romantic proposal, I could’ve just coyly dropped some hints, and things would’ve gone the “right way”. But as a simple, straightforward person that I’ve always been, I haven’t put that much thought into the gains and losses of this whole proposal cult. And I don’t like following social norms, having to wait to be proposed to just because I’m a woman, possibly missing out on many good things life.