When I was about 13 years old, I had a school project to interview the oldest person in my family. At that time, my great grandmother (Lao Nai Nai 老奶奶) was the matriarch of the Chinese side of my family. She was about 90 years old and she was a legend. For anyone who knows me, they know I am a determined, driven woman who does not let my gender, race or any perceived weakness stop me from reaching my goals. This spirit can be traced directly to the wonderful women (grandmothers, mother, sisters) in my life and is supported by the equally wonderful men (grandfather, father, brother).
So, when I conducted my interview with Lao Nai Nai, the last question was “What do you want me to be when I grow up?” Her answer was simple but unexpected. “I want you to be happy.” At that time and at that age, I did not understand how lofty of a goal that would be. Initially, I thought I was happy! My childhood and life had been blessed beyond measure. But, that did not come without the typical ups and downs. As I grew older and particularly when I reached adulthood, Lao Nai Nai’s words would echo in my head.
Why couldn’t she have said something more straightforward? She could have said she wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer or a professor? I could figure out the path to those professions easily. There is an end goal. I could plan it out and follow the plan step by step. But happiness felt like an intangible and ambiguous concept. With time, life becomes more complex and full of unpredictable roadblocks and stumbles. Happiness becomes even more elusive.
Now, I am grateful for my Lao Nai Nai’s answer. Before I knew how important that sentiment would be, it was marinating deep in my subconsciousness. There is no secret to happiness and happiness is not a destination that you arrive at. It is a constant process and a conscious decision. Looking for the silver lining is not just advice for when you encounter adversity. If you actively seek out the goodness in every crevice and corner, you will then become better at achieving happiness. It is fleeting, so the search continues. Similar to lifting weights at the gym – It doesn’t get easier, you become stronger.
As I mentioned before, my life is wonderful and I have encountered very little hardship. But I continually work to live in a spirit of gratefulness and happiness, so when I do face those seemingly unconquerable mountains, I can do it with a smile.