Networking in Beijing is fairly easy. Whether you’re on the bus, at an alumni brunch or just strolling around the city, there is always an opportunity to network. People are eager to pass out their business cards, and I’ve acquired a myriad of them. My favorite one so far is from a guy who manufactures sex toys. I kid you not. He specializes mostly in male products (sorry girls), and his card promotes his latest lines “Auto Blow,” “Mangasm” and “KinkyKing.” I bet you think I met this gent in a seedy nightclub, but I actually met him at a Yale Brunch. China is bustling with entrepreneurs, and you never know what opportunities could arise from a contact you meet. But what happens when networking goes wrong?
This week I had dinner with a guy from my apartment complex. He just started his own tech company, and when he asked me to dinner I said yes because I thought it would be a great networking opportunity. Chinese is his first language, but we spoke mostly in English since he is also fluent in it. The conversation segued from business to our apartments. He complained about his, I bragged about my big windows. After dinner, he came back to my apartment so that he could compare his to mine. He was so impressed that he vowed to talk with the landlord the following day about moving to my building. We got along really well, and I was happy that I had made yet another good friend. We chatted for a while, he left and I got ready for bed. Then I received a text (in English) from him asking if he could “crash over for a hook.” In Chinese, there are parts of grammar called measure words, which denote duration of time, length of an object, shape etc. When I read the text I didn’t know what he meant by hook, so I figured it must be a bad Chinese to English translation. Thinking with my Chinese brain, I took “hook” to be a measure word that signifies a short period of time. I had never studied this before, but I naturally figured he just knew a lot more measure words than I did. So, I responded, “Yeah, come on in! The doors unlocked.” I didn’t mind letting him crash for a night until he switched apartments. He had shown me pictures, and I wouldn’t want to stay there either. When he returned, I put some blankets on the futon and headed for bed. Then he asked, “Aren’t you going to join me on the futon?” I stopped dead in my tracks, trying to make sense of what he had just said. My English brain turned on, and alarms went off in my head. I’m so stupid! “Hook” was not a Chinese measure word. He had meant “hook up.” I thought about my all to eager reply of, “Yeah, come on in! The doors unlocked,” and wanted to die. I can only imagine that he was thinking, “Wow, it’s true what they say about American girls. They really are loose!” Needless to say, I promptly kicked the guy out. I don’t think we’ll be networking again, even if it’s just for a hook.
在北京社交是很容易的一件事情。无论你是在公共汽车上，还是在校友会的早午餐上或只是在城里闲逛的时候，你总是有机会和别人交际。人们都热衷于递给他人自己的名片，我已经获得了无数的名片了。至今我收到的名片里最喜欢的是一个谁制造性玩具的人的。我不框你。他的专长主要是在于男性产品（不好意思了女孩子们），他的名片也在促销推广着他最新的广告词“自动吹箫，”“男人高潮”，“变态金刚”。我敢打赌你一定认为我遇到了这位绅士，是在一个淫乱的夜总会或者夜店里，但我却是耶鲁大学的早午餐会上遇到他的。中国是个到处都是企业家的国度，你永远都不会知道你会遇到什么样的机会，也许只是来自于一个你碰面的熟人而已。但当社交出错时，会发生什么样的事情呢？
就在这周的一个晚上，我和一个与我同一个公寓的人一起吃晚饭。他的科技公司最近刚开张，当他说想和我一起吃饭时，我立马答应了，因为我认为这将是一个非常好的社交机会。汉语是他的母语，但我们大部分时间里我们都在说英文，因为他的英语也是很流利的。我们从做生意聊到我们的公寓。我向他显摆着我的大窗户，他对此很是嫉妒。晚饭后，他来到我家，这样他就可以比较一下。他特别喜欢我们家的窗子，他信誓旦旦地说第二天一定要和房东好好谈谈，准备次日搬到我们这栋楼里来。我们相处得非常好，我很高兴，我又交一个很好的朋友。我们又聊了一会儿，他就离开了，我就准备上床睡觉了。然后我收到一条他的短信（英文写的），他问他能不能“过来为了钩子挤一宿。”在中国有一些量词的语法，比如表示时间持续的长久，一个东西的长度，或者形状等。我看完这条短信，我不知道他这个钩子到底是想表达什么，所以我想它一定是个错误地汉译英表达。我试着用中国的思维去想这句话的意思，我想“钩子”可能是个量词，也许是表示短时间内。我从来没有学过这些，但我很自然地想他肯定知道的量词比我多。所以，我回他说：“可以，来吧！门没锁。“我不介意在他换公寓之前让他过来挤一个晚上。他给我看了他家的照片，要是我也不想呆在他那个家。当他回来后，我把毯子放在了蒲团上，然后就想回床睡觉了。然后他突然问：“你不想和我一起吗？”我停下了脚步，差点儿昏死过去，想明白他刚刚说的是什么意思。此时我的英语思维开启了，我的脑海里响起了警报。我太蠢了！“钩子”根本不是什么汉语的量词。他的意思是“想和我搞上。”我突然想起了我当时冲动地回复，“可以啊，进来吧！门没锁。”我当时真想死。我现在都能想到他当时看到短信的时候想的是什么，“哇，看来他们说的关于美国女生的随便和淫荡是真的了。他们真的裤带都很松啊！” 不用说，我立马把他赶了出去。我也不认为我和他之间将来会再有社交的机会，即使下次真的只是为了个钩子。