Future
You might say, well…the years on a calendar are arbitrary, so why give it more of your attention?
I’d say, perhaps, but they still have a powerful way of orienting you…
As the cold weather settles in, I find myself asking: “Am I happy in my new job? Did I accomplish my 2017 goals? What am I proud of? What am I ashamed of? What were the tiny victories? What do I regret?”
And perhaps more importantly, I wonder: “what’s next?”
A few days ago, I did the math and realized that I left Shanghai for New York over seven years ago.
In the timeline of my life, seven years feels like an eternity! When I left for college, I told myself that eventually, I would build an international career and at some point live in China as an “adult.” I dreamt of embodying the two cultures that I grew up in—Chinese and American—to the fullest. I envisioned traveling between two countries that inform so much of who I am today.
Turns out that was easier said than done.
As I look ahead to 2018, I wonder: “Will I live up to my expectation of being a global citizen?” And if not, what’s at stake? Will my Mandarin get rustier and rustier? Will my relationship with my Chinese mother suffer? In college, the future always seemed so far away. Yet today, 2018 is around the corner, and it feels like the trajectory of my future is in the palm of my hands. That feeling is exciting and terrifying all at once.
The arrival of the New Year forces me to reconcile with the past, but it also generously offers the chance to start fresh. With this blank slate in mind, I visualize what it would be like to move back Shanghai. To return to a place I once called home, but with a fresh pair of eyes.
By the time January 1st rolls around, I’m sure my New Year’s Resolutions list will also include things like going to the gym more, developing a home yoga practice, cooking more meals at home etc. However, the question I don’t have the answer to yet is what side of the globe I’ll be on. I’m eager to see how all of that unfolds, in the New Year!