Last week, I talked with two friends considering big moves.
One lives in San Francisco, the other lives in Boston. Both are twenty something with an Ivy League degree, a ton of talent and a bundle of energies. However, this is a rocky time for both. They’re at the helm of a speedboat facing a wide open sea.
They’ve been out of college for almost five years, and they have worked a couple different jobs during this period that relate to their interests. They seem to enjoy their experiences and express gratitude for many valuable lessons learned on the job. Still, they both feel they’re approaching another milestone for a change.
Sara is considering applying to business school. An MBA seems to be something good for her long-term career development because she’s been in finance for different sized firms and has been thinking about entrepreneurship for quite a while now. But the dilemma is, she is already at a dream job working for people she likes and on projects she is passionate about.
Bob on the other hand has been working in different types of industries and learning over time, what he does not want. He does not want to be behind the scenes crunching numbers in a dark room. He wants to be interacting with people, understanding their lives and writing stories about their struggle. He’s found a role he wants to take on.
Their crossroads and considerations bring to mind how I approached decision making – especially in my 20s. Here are some of the questions I asked myself that perhaps you would find helpful.
Role & Responsibility
Who do you want to be? How many hours do you want to work? How much do you want to make? How much are you responsible for supporting yourself and your family? Be honest. Own up to it. But also, be patient. Be ready to pivot when your ideals have changed. You want to change the world? Great. But you can’t change the world in one day, or every day. Neither can you do it alone.
Risk & Resources
How much risk can you tolerate before you freak out? How can you learn emotional management? How can you learn mindfulness? Both are key subjects I have been teaching myself over the years to expand my capacity for seeing things for what they are. A loss. A tragedy. A break-up. They are sad and sorrowing, and they also yield information about the world, about the people around us, and about ourselves. How can you distill the information to guide your view of what’s possible and what’s good for you at any given moment?
Why is it that you must hold so tightly onto one thing – a desire, a status, as a symbol of success or failure? Rarely does one thing define our worth or our future. There are many routes and options, which aren’t always obvious to us. But they are out there, waiting for us to mine and discover. Be adventurous. What are the resources – financial, intellectual and human – available to you to absorb that risk should you fail? Every college graduate needs to surround herself/himself with a network community of alumni or trusted friends who can offer emotional support as well as practical know-how when seeking alternative roads to success.
Reset & Restart
Resilience is our capacity to rebound when faced with setbacks and suffering. I remember crying over a loss of a job promotion and had a nervous breakdown on my first job at my workplace. I had to be hospitalized overnight and I realized how frail my nerves were. I recognized that my emotional impulses were my number one enemy. I began to watch my nerve reaction more attentively and learn to view each moment as a revelation. If that promotion isn’t for me, something else will come along. Surely something else did come along. I began searching for alternative job prospects – inside and outside of the media/journalism fields that would bring me more challenges. A few months later, I was faced with several offers in different industries. I chose to stay in TV news. I was drawn to the on-air challenges that were new, and I didn’t feel ready to leave journalism. It would be a calling that I stayed with for more than two decades.
As we go through different stages of our lives, we will, if we are completely honest and in touch with ourselves, discover what makes us happy and what doesn’t. Failure is one way to find out. So is rejection. So is disappointment. All are part of this grand journey that makes life unpredictably fascinating, humbling and illuminating. There are so many remarkable mental and role models of resilience who have endured extreme adversity – past and present, that one only needs to go to the internet, put in search terms like resilience or read autobiographical books to get a healthy dose of ideas and inspiration for a reboot. Yes, we constantly need to reboot, reset and restart.
Life is what we make of our limitations, our education, our abilities and our imagination. It is also how we confront and engage our everyday destiny. Cultivate a creative mind that is open and nimble. Nurture energies that are positive and regenerative. Life is for us to shape and reshape because no one else truly can, will or should do it for us.