Last week as I was writing at my desk, I heard a group of kids laughing, screaming, running around playing in the park in my backyard. Frankly, I love it. It reminds me of the kind of free playing, wild goose chasing I never had in my childhood growing up in Hong Kong – a city starved of playground and green space at the time. Then, a woman’s voice pierced through, yelling “收 声! in Cantonese, which literally means “Stop Your Noise! Stop it Now!”
I couldn’t see through the tall trees and big leaves covering the air space between the playground and my office. But I heard what sounds like a little girl crying and fussing. I have no way of knowing the cause of the child’s distress or behavior, but I instantly had a flashback of my own childhood when I used to complain as a child at home and that would be what I get from my mother “收 声!
It now sounds so jarring and counter-culture because of where I live – America.
Having been a permanent resident and naturalized citizen in America for more than ten years, the “shut up” phrase is usually used in a confrontational situation or a fight between a couple, friends. The power dynamic is obvious – one wants to shut the other out for whatever reason. It reveals intolerance, anger, temper tantrum that can get out of control. So that’s the context where I can understand “shut up” or “Stop your Noise!”
However, on a nice afternoon in the park when children are acting like children running, screaming and crying, is “Stop Your Noise” necessary? Or appropriate?
I don’t think so and I feel bad for the child. I imagine I was her being silenced when there may be something so upsetting that I couldn’t articulate but cry. Or I imagine other children who are allowed to play rough or cry out loud and think Cantonese speakers (Chinese or non-Chinese, as there are Asians of various origins like Vietnamese, Malaysian who can speak Cantonese) are harsh with children even as they are in a playground!
Whether we are conscious of our parenting style or not, our children take our tone seriously. They have emotional needs beginning at a young age that need to be tended to, not shut down. It’s definitely a challenge for parents to listen to and talk with young kids (sandbox age) when they are wild. I have never been a parent but I have been a babysitter, and I am a godmother and I was a “Big Sister” to a “Little Sister”.
Communication – verbal and non-verbal – is a much-needed practiced skills which can be learned over time with love, patience and care. Dialogue is tough. Conversation is tough. But it’s never too late to learn to listen for cues and clues to unlock the source of anguish or angst. Sometimes a kind eye contact or a gentle touch can elicit these emotional clues from a child. 收 声! should not be used the first step or the last resort.