A typical day in my life during the past 3 years had been rise at 6:30 am, followed by a series of rushes from rushing to take the train from Long Island to Manhattan, rushing to get my coffee and bagel, and rushing to the office before 9:00 am. I used to conquer 80 emails, draft two to three contracts, and answer several clients calls a day with all the tasks on my to-do list crossed. Before New York, my Hong Kong days as a Duty Manager of an 800-room hotel were also packed. I managed to answer more than 50 calls during my 8-hour shift while rushing to handle different emergency cases with ambulance summoned, guests comforted, safety-box opened, and complaints handled before finally sitting in front of the computer to log daily activities as a wrap-up! So much work; so little time.
A typical day in my life now after I quit my job four months ago started with a homemade breakfast while listening to my favorite podcast Business Daily from BBC World Service. I spent most of my day reading books or studying online. Sometimes I ventured to Manhattan from Long Island for an exhibition or wandering in Central Park. This was not easy for me at the beginning. It took me three months to get used to the new pace without feeling guilty and anxious that I have wasted another day without producing anything.
One evening, when chatting with my friend in China, he said he worked very hard to start his own business with minimum sleep every day. He was targeting to make a big fortune, although I believe that what he earned a month now has already surpassed what I earned a year. I was touched by his hard work and ambition but without envy or self-comparison. Rather, I felt happy about myself. I told him with no self-pity that I was quite enjoying the free time as a free person for now while waiting for the time that I could work again when I get my green card.
Another day, I watched a movie called The Fox and The Child. The story is about a 10-year-old girl who bonds with a mountain fox when wondering in the forest. She sometimes climbs on a tree and waits a whole afternoon for the fox to appear. Sometimes, she picks and plays mushrooms, and enjoys observing all different animals living in the woods. Getting to know the fox day by day, she starts to have the sense of respect as she realizes that the fox would rather hurt itself but not to be tamed. From then on, she still treats the fox as her friend but never impose anything on it. It was such a beautiful story about human, animal, and nature. Does the kid waste her time by doing nothing but just sits in the tree waiting for her fox? I don’t think so. The learning process of knowledge and skills could be accelerated by proper training. But having a pure heart full of gratefulness about love and respect could hardly be lectured by others. The kindness and sympathy are distilled gradually when one who feels love through his or her own eyes.
At times I wondered if I had wasted time due to the circumstances that led me to quit my job.
However, I have also harvested confidence, calmness, and joy. The downtime that I spend with myself and immerse in nature, literature and the art made me lose track of time, and uncover many facets of life I’d never seen before when I was always rushing. I value the free time now much more because I can choose to spend it with family and friends, with myself, or with nature.
I am sure it will take me no time to speed up again when I could work again without visa concerns. But I am sure my heart will be lighter, and I will hold a clearer view of what I want from my career, yet what I couldn’t sacrifice for it.