Do you remember your first paying job? What was it? How old were you?
I never thought I would start making money at age 17. But I did.
I was a private tutor teaching eleven or twelve year olds English and Math at their homes after school.
It all started after I’d suffered the first major setback in my life.
It was the summer I was summoned to go back home to Hong Kong, after spending my first year in America.
It was during my senior year at the Cranbrook School – a private high school in Michigan, when my dad called us one day out of the blue…about mom.
“Ah Ma” is not well.” Speaking in Cantonese, dad sounded a bit contrite about breaking bad news to us – my brother and me.
“Mommy has been crying every day because you and your brother were gone – so suddenly. She’s very upset. You have to come home as soon as possible.”
The news felt like a ton of brick falling on my head. I couldn’t believe what I heard, nor could I comprehend its meaning.
“How can that be? Mom was crying because of us?” I mumbled to myself, I dared not question dad. He sounded serious and shattered.
As a teenager, I did not remember mother ever showing any emotional affection or attachment to me. I did not understand mom would miss me or become depressed because she was suffering from “empty nest syndrome” – a condition that describes parents’ empty feeling when their kids leave home for school. I had not heard of that until later in my adult life.
Way back then – I was young and naive, dumbfounded, disappointed.
Mother became well after we were home for a month or so. She returned to her busy life working for our family business at the retail store and taking care of our daily needs at home. But I would soon be the one to plunge into a brief bout of depression.
Suddenly – my American dream for college in the United States was dashed.
For weeks – I was moping. I stopped menstruating. I stopped eating.
I lost the biggest goal in my life. I didn’t have a Plan B that would get me excited.
But I decided to dig myself out of a hole – “enough moping, Mable!” I said to myself.
“Focus on what you can do. What can you do?” I challenged myself to turn my negative feelings into positive actions, and to create some options that would get my life plan back on track.
You see – feeling sorry for oneself is natural in a case like this. But it’s actually out of character for me.
I am the type of person who refuses to let myself stay down or feel doomed for too long. I need to find a way out by looking up and forward – perhaps that’s classic survivor instinct.
Soon – I applied to a two-year International Baccalaureate program at a small college in Hong Kong that was not my dream school. But that program is widely recognized as a pathway to a 4-year university education in the U.S. I thought I’d get myself enrolled in a school, keep learning while planning my next step.
I also decided that I wanted to take advantage of the summer before school that Fall to make some money. That’s right, I wanted to make money.
I wanted to reclaim my sense of self-worth and self-confidence by being productive and getting paid for my work.
Through talking with friends, I realized that there’s a huge demand for someone like me, who’d spent a year in a good American high school to offer private tutoring to Hong Kong kids. These are middle school students getting ready for the notoriously difficult year-end exams. Through word of mouth – I started getting recommendation after recommendation to teach these children at home. Soon, I was making $500-$800 (USD) a month teaching students from different families. At the end of the summer, I had made thousands of dollars – my earnings accelerated after I started advertising my private tutoring service in local newspapers highlighting my American education experience and English-speaking skills.
What began as my first setback in my young life then would become an invaluable opportunity to learn some important lessons. Here are a few –
a) Talking and Listening
I realized how much my mother loved me even though I had often felt neglected as the middle child. During that year when I was back home, mother would talk to me more often. She told me she was thinking of me a lot while I was gone. That was the first time I ever heard mom talking that way. We began to communicate better since then. I also understand more how to see myself through my mother’s perspective. I thought I was gaining freedom, knowledge and independence in a new world. She thought she was losing a daughter, losing her relevance as mother. I reminded myself to become more sensitive to her fears, and needs to be heard.
b) Teaching and Mentoring
I discovered that I enjoyed tutoring and mentoring! Watching children’s learning and questioning everything I said was exhausting but also exhilarating. They teach me how to explain better, listen better. They show me that teaching is the most direct and immediate way to serve and care for their needs. They need to feel ready for exams. They need to feel that they could turn to me. I was thrilled to be there for them.
c) Earning and Saving
I remember how proud I was that I could make thousands of dollars through saving almost every dollar I made that summer. I opened my first savings account, I learned to balance my checkbook, I deliberated every buying decision asking questions like – “do I really need this?” “is this worth it?” I was eager to become financially responsible adult. All of this grown-up stuff may not have happened to me at that stage if I never had my first paying job and learned to appreciate the value of a dollar.
No matter how old you are when you have your first paying job, I think we can all learn the virtues of building a healthy relationship with money at any stage. Having a good sense of money management early can also help you make smarter decisions when evaluating the cost and benefit of any move you make that carries financial consequences.
We all have dreams. But dreams are not free. If you’re sitting on the fence about getting that first paying job – don’t. Whatever it is – get started! Good luck!