At a cocktail reception last month in the theater district of New York, I had a thought-provoking chat with a woman from Hong Kong who had moved here many years ago – just like I had. But unlike me, Mary grew up in Hong Kong not as a local Chinese, but as Chinese American. She met her husband in Hong Kong, raised her family there and decided to move back to the United States, and settled in New York.
After trading stories about our Hong Kong past, we quickly dove into each other’s current professions and quality of life issues in America. Soon enough, Mary became animated and raised a hot topic about more and more people moving to Asia looking for work, seeking a better life and giving up their U.S. citizenship. I was surprised.
“Really? For tax reason, right?”
“Right, that and plus it’s better quality of life there. In Hong Kong, for example, I used to have a cook, a nanny, a car – now I have to do everything myself. It’s very tough to live (well) here. It’s so costly to afford these things, and tax is very high – right?”
Mary raised her eyebrows hoping I’d shared her feelings, but she was quick to interpret my silence as doubt.
“But of course – the thing in Hong Kong is that you are not entirely free to be yourself. There is a lot of social pressure to conform; to meet people’s expectations.”
“Exactly!” I cracked my mile-wide smile. Mary’s face lit up, I carried on.
“Here in America, one can be free to define and pursue what’s personally meaningful to be happy and successful.” I was about to ease into the next topic that usually resonates with immigrants to America – this notion of the “American Dream.” But this is cocktail hour in New York after all, before long we were joined by a new crowd and a new topic.
However, my chat with Mary reminds me of the multi-faceted aspects of the pursuit of the “American Dream.” For many, it starts with moving to a place that encourages and rewards hard work and talent with promises of prosperity and success. So, Asia seems to be the land of opportunity for many young people – as documented in this Washington Post article: Can’t Find a Job? Move East.
But for me – what’s most attractive about the idea of the “American Dream” is its fundamental underlying set of values, which respect and reward an individual’s rights to choose and create one’s own path to success.
In America, I don’t feel any overbearing cultural pressure to follow a fixed social concept of a “good life.” In America, I enjoy the freedom and independence to live with an evolving definition of happiness, an expansive definition of friends and family. In America, I sense a collective embrace of the diversity of views and thoughts about the meaning of success – inclusive of, but not limited to, material wealth and social status.
So, to the extent that we can follow our cultivated sense of a rich and full life, we are living the “American Dream” – wherever we may find ourselves.
上周在纽约的剧院区的一场鸡尾酒会上，我和一位和我一样很久以前搬来这里的香港女士进行了一场发人深省的聊天。和我不同的是，玛丽虽然在香港成长，但是她的成长方式却和当地人不同，反而更像在那里的美国人。玛丽在那里遇到了她的丈夫，成立了家庭并最后决定搬回美国，他们定居在纽约。
在交换了在香港的往事以后，我们很快进入了对彼此当前在美国的专业以及生活质量的讨论。很快，玛丽的话匣子打开了，并且提出了一个热议话题，那就是关于越来越多的人到亚洲去，在那里工作，并寻求一份更好的工作，甚至不惜放弃他们的美国身份。这让我很惊讶。
“真的么？我想他们是因为亚洲的税更低的缘故吧？”
“是，再加上更好的生活质量，比如在香港，我曾经有一个厨师，一个保姆以及一辆汽车 – 而现在这些我必须亲历亲为。”在这里生活会比较艰难，这里花费太高，包括税，不是么？
玛丽扬起了她的眉毛，并希望得到我的接腔，但是她很快又说：
“当然了—香港也有不好的地方，那就是你不能完完全全做自己，那里总有太多的社会压力需要去应对，去达到人们的高期望值” 。
“确实”，我收起了我的微笑，玛丽的脸上表示附和，我继续讲了下去：
“在美国，人可以自由自在，并且追求自己认为的幸福和成功”，我开始慢慢的进入到一个新移民都会很认可的话题了 –所谓的“美国梦”。不过这毕竟是一场鸡尾酒会，不适合这样的长篇大论，于是我们之后又加入了另一群人，聊起了别的话题。
但是，我和玛丽的谈话还是让我想起了“美国梦”的方方面面。对很多人来说，这代表着来到一个新的地方，开始认真努力工作并且凭借着自己的聪明才智获得回报和成功。所以亚洲似乎是充满机遇的土地，许多年轻人—–就像华盛顿邮报上写的一样—–“找不到工作么？去东边（亚洲）吧”
但是对我来说，美国梦的最吸引人的地方，是在于它关于价值的基本定义，它尊重并且奖励人们的权利，去选择自己成功的途径权利。
在美国，我并不感到很多社会定义的“成功”以及其相关的“美好生活”的压力，在美国，我想收自由，独立的生活，不用考虑刻板的快乐是什么样子，那其实就是家庭和友情的延续而已。在美国，我能感受到更多的成功的例子 –不仅仅局限于物质的丰富，以及社会地位。
所以，从某种程度上，我们可以按照自己的方式去耕耘收获我们的幸福，我们生活在“美国梦”中 – 在那个能活出自我的地方。